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Dear Helen Zille…

Yeah Helen, we all just mostly miss the point...
Yeah Helen, we all just mostly miss the point...

I struggle to sleep. In fact, I think I might actually have blogged about how much I struggle with sleep. So suffice it to say that it… irks me to be woken up from an afternoon nap by a spam sms from the DA reminding me to do my civic duty and vote.

It’s especially irksome since I’d already voted and thus felt I deserved my nap. It also irked because it was the fourth such sms I got. And it also came after I sent your poor cold caller packing in a particularly irked way. She sounded quite wobbly by the time I said goodbye. I feel guilty now. It’s not her fault, she was just doing what she was told… And how could she have known about my severe and almost rabid hatred for spam calls and telemarketers and their ilk… For many and varied reasons, but mostly because WHERE IN HELL DID THEY GET MY CELLPHONE NUMBER? AND WHO IN HELL GAVE YOU THE PERMISSION TO SEND UNSOLICITED MARKETING MATERIAL TO ME? I nurture an almost rabid hatred for The Man as well. So shame on you, Helen, for making this poor girl face my wrath.

And shame on you for preaching to someone who is almost bloody-minded in her approach to so-called “civic duty”. Do you know how much I hate being told what to do? And yet, I voted. I voted despite my thorough mistrust and general poor opinion of any and all political parties in my beloved country. I think it’s a sandpit filled with squabbling children all looking to promote their own agenda without much thought for the rest of us poor sods who would love to do research on the general IQ of politicians. But yeah, I still voted. Despite your masses of spam and your total annoying policies of reminding me constantly of what I “should do”. At least the silly ANC douches leave me alone.

helen zille screen grab
My irked state deserves punishment, right?

Oh, I suppose that you could hand me some kind of shrewish talking-to on what would happen if I was just “left alone” to my own devices, if your party didn’t show such a keen interest in my wellbeing (about once every five years) – I probably deserve poor service delivery and a continuance of sheer stupidity for my lack of gratitude like several dissenters on Twitter were told, right?

Not that I think the stupidity of politics will ever change. But you know what does change things for me? A nice afternoon nap, filled with the self-righteous happiness of doing one’s annoying civic duty. It makes me feel all happy and rosy and well-rested. Unless, of course, it’s interrupted by a chirpy sms.

So do me a favour, will you? Lay off the spam marketing. You could stop me from voting, you know?


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