“’cos I’d rather hurt than feel nothing at all…” – Lady Antebellum
This is me, quoting cheesy pop-country bands. Emo much? I’m all about the anatomy of being sad tonight. We all have these bundles of misery clutched close to us… And since misery loves company, indulge me.
We love our sadness. It’s like a scab that you can’t stop pick pick picking at, until you realize it’s healed and a vague disappointment fills you. And sometimes, you pick at the healed bits until the bleeding starts again. ‘Cos you can.
We cultivate sadness. Like imagining a life story for every single beggar at every single robot, every bleary-eyed old person sitting alone on a park bench. Reading all the reports on animal abuse. Refusing to accept your parents’ ageing and waking up from nightmares where you imagine they died.
We love being rejected, dissed, ignored. We love feeling slighted and shortchanged. So that we can complain and feel even worse off.
We love loving unsuitable people at unsuitable times… And then we love trying to get over them but not over them ‘cos, like, how is it even possible to not have this unsuitable person in your life to add to your misery?
We love thinking back to moments that were so absolutely joyful, but taken as a package just left you empty and longing for more.
We love tears and the headaches that follow and the confusion in the eyes of the people who love you and who’re trying to cheer you up. Doesn’t she want to feel better? No, actually, she doesn’t.
Our sadness defines us in ways much more real and visceral than being happy could ever do.
Tonight, I’m really sad. I choose to ignore all the good things in my life, all the people to be grateful for. And I choose to sob to emo music and be silly about it all. ‘Cos being sad is so… trivial, really. Tomorrow? We’ll see.
I used to love someone like that. Still do sometimes…
However, I would rather feel nothing at all that listen to that stupid song again
lol that song kind of sticks in my head! it’s the “still do sometimes” that sucks…
lol strangely enough, that sounds like it might work…
Sometimes we just need to give into the sad, to enjoy what we have. A trick for endulging in the sad is to watch Extreme Makeover Home Edition, they always have families with gut wrenching stories.